Yesterday I found out that our offer on a different property has fallen through as the owner has changed his mind about leasing it out.
I resisted the urge to pull out all of my hair, stamp my feet and roll on the floor kicking and screaming. Partly, because I was in Ikea when I received the news, in the section with all of the glasses, and did not want to hurt myself as I have a low pain thresh hold. Perhaps I should have sat in a Poang and rocked my frustration away. Although even then I could have been taken away in a white jacket and put in a padded cell. Enough! I am getting carried away with my thoughts of how to work out my frustrations in Ikea.
But the reality of my situation was that I was feeling frustrated, after more then 6 months we are still no closer to securing a property than when we first began. As always in these times, questions of doubt come in and you begin to think, ‘God, what is wrong with you? Do you not care what this is doing to me? Do you not care that loads of people are watching, and it’s okay if this succeeds because people will say “Praise God,” but if it does not all people will say is “That Paul Unsworth messed it up!” Do you not realise that people are watching our progress and that some of them have donated generously? So come on God, provide a property, anyone will do, just something.’
The above is a dramatised version of my thoughts; nevertheless some of these thoughts do exist.
Thankfully, God never leaves you hanging over the pit of despair for long. Instead he used this situation to teach me about his character of love.
You see, if I understand God to be a God of love, then I have to trust that as an expression of his love he will never give me second best. He is simply unable to, it’s just not his nature. So the fact that this particular property has fallen through is not a reason to doubt God, it becomes the reason to trust that God ultimately has something better in store, because his love guarantees that he can only give me the best.
So if you are in a place of frustration because God is seemingly doing nothing other than closing doors to the desires of your hearts, then know that his love for you means that he can only ever give you the best, so be patient, trusting that ultimately he is in control.
(I started this post several weeks ago and in this time God has opened the door to a property that is in the perfect location and is by far the best property for us as we start. So I am grateful that God sometimes withholds what I want and gives me what he has for me.)